So if you're as blind-dating challenged as I am, and likely to fall all over yourself, or literally trip over your own feet, constantly say all the wrong things or rudely point out some poppy seeds you can see in your significant other's teeth, here are a few tips and tricks of possibly avoiding a catastrophic date and possibly even ensuring a good one!
DO:
-Dress nicely but not too over the top. If you're life me and find yourself incorporating every possible pattern and color into your usual outfits, tone it down a little and try wearing something classic but not boring. If you're the type to stick to blacks or greys, try to spruce it up a little with a little accessorizing. For example, I kept my clothing pretty simple but I wore a pocket watch locket that actually turned into a brief topic of conversation.
-Keep your cool in conversation. While it's always nice to be complimented, don't scare your date away with flattery. Say one or two things to make them smile, but don't bombard them with niceties. For instance, "It's been really great talking to you" is an effective way of saying you're really glad that you're out together and likely want to do it again. Taking too much note of the physical traits of the person you're with: "Wow, you have great eyes, hair, bone structure, etc." could lead your date to believe you're only after one thing. Also, constant flattery is a bona fide way to convince your date that you're unsure about yourself and don't feel worthy to be out with him/her.
-In the same vein, it's always a good idea to keep the momentum of conversation going with relevant yet interesting questions. This is a great way to let your date know that you're interested in who they are and aren't obsessed with yourself. This is also the best way to keep you from talking too much about yourself. On the other hand, too many standard questions might get boring after a while, so make sure you're creative. Questions like, "Where are you from? Where did you go to school? What are your hobbies?" get old fast. Stick to questions that are specific to the person you're with. For example, if your date has an interesting job or project underway, use that as a segue to find out what they're passionate about or motivated by.
-Tell them you had a great time and hope to see them again (if you're being honest!) If you can tell by the end of your date that it's not going to work out, don't promise to call soon. Just say "see you around" and hope your subtlety was a nice enough hint that you're "just not that into her/him". In my opinion, if you're still strangers, a hug is the best way to depart. Don't necessarily go for the kiss right away because it might seem too sudden. Watch body language, if your date can't keep their eyes off you and is constantly drawing attention to his/herself, it might be appropriate. But I find that a hug is a nice way to end things and much more effective than a handshake. If you're head over heels by the end of the evening, wait a few days! Don't call the next night or even the night after that. Give your date the sufficient time to think it over, and if you're positive that they had as great a time as you did, time enough to miss you! If you're one of those people that obsesses over not being the first to call, get over it. Just don't seem too eager when you do decide to call, and same goes if they call you first. If it works out, plan a second date, but don't keep your schedule totally open just because you think they might call you. Besides, having a life is sexy.
DONT'S:
-INTERRUPT! There is nothing that bothers me more on a date (or in life, really) than a person who is constantly interrupting me to relate my story to themselves. If your date is saying something along the lines of "And then when I lost my job I decided to..." and you interrupt them by saying, "Oh yeah that reminds me of this one time when I..." take note of how he/she might politely smile but then take note of the big sigh they're sure to let out while you're going on about yourself. Be patient. You're date wants to know about you too, but being a good listener is just as important as being a good conversationalist.
-TALK ABOUT YOUR EX'S. This is #2 on the list of my pet peeves. You're not on a date with your therapist and it's likely that they don't care about who you dated last. Even if they know your ex, talking about them is not going to get you anywhere. If nothing else, they'll assume you're not over them and take it to heart. Same goes for talking about other people that you're date doesn't know. Saying things like, "Yeah and then when I went hiking with Pete and Lola in California and then Pete got angry and Lola and I went swimming...." yeah, DON'T CARE. Don't constantly be referring to other times, places, people in your life. Especially on t
he first few dates, conversations should employ the both of you. Let your date know that you're living in the present and not for a time that didn't involve him/her.-Get drunk. If you're having wine with dinner or even meeting for a few beers, that's fine and might loosen things up. But if you know you're a cheap date, moderate. You don't want you're date to think you're a lush who can't hold your sauce. Also, duh, booze is likely to to unhinge your social anxiety, but it might do it a little too well. You might say or do something that you can't take back later and that's not likely the best way to go about getting a second date.
-Seem desperate. I know it's a cliche, but confidence really is the most attractive thing in a person, for both sexes. Don't self deprecate or appear grateful that your date is out with you. Definitely don't tell them it's been six months since you've last had sex or call your parents while you're out to tell them you found the one. Even if you're a total dating moron, this is common sense. Talk about the things in your life you're proud of, not the things you wish you could change or can't control.
No comments:
Post a Comment