Blogging Through the Recession: Tough-Times and making the Money

Sorry to get all bleak on you, but even my local paper --which normally fills its pages with heartwarming tales of grade-schoolers singing songs-- is starting to print terrible stories about factories closing, unemployment, and foreclosures. This article explores how people are coping with Tough-Times.


As the depression sinks in, people across the country are getting a little more desperate. Unemployment is rising, money to fund unemployment benefits is drying up, and even more joblessness is no doubt on the horizon.

As times get tougher, people often look for creative ways to make money amid rampant job-loss and pay-cuts. In times past, I understand that this was done in useful ways. For example, a family would plant a big vegetable garden. One older woman I spoke to recently said that her great great grandmother saved her farm by making and selling whiskey. Brilliant.

Sadly, today people are being far less useful in their creative money making schemes. Lets take a look.

CRAFTING The online market for hand crafted goods has no doubt seen a surge in supply recently. Sites like Etsy specialize in showcasing the goods produced by an army of stay at home mothers and hipsters who just learned to sew. It remains the place to go if you're in search of a "unique" gift, or if you just want to pamper yourself with a $195 pair of custom high-waisted panties.

Etsy didn't return any of my phone calls (not many people do), so I don't know exactly how much of a "surge" in supply they have seen. I assume that they are so busy dealing with said "surge" that they took their phone off the hook. Or they just laid off that department. In either case, they do have a prepared statement about the recession on their website.

"With the global economic crisis putting finances in a squeeze, Etsy is a great way to maximize a budget."

Probably not, but Etsy is clearly an untapped resource for amateur lingerie models.

USING THE INTERNET or worse, BLOGGING Not good with your hands? Mom never had a sewing machine to give you? That's no reason to give up on alternative money making schemes.

I hate to get into this because it hits a little close to home, but seriously. The internet is obviously not a place anyone makes money. Look at the music industry. Even newspapers are going out of business because online ads don't bring in as much revenue as print. Worse yet, there are fewer people advertising because the usual advertisers are hemorrhaging money too.

Still, Craigslist is awash with people seeking talent for their sweet new blog. Take this recent post on the NYC page:

We are a growing web blog in Hollywood and in need of good writers to submit daily posts. If you like to write and want to get your point of view published, this is a perfect outlet. Please send your resume and writing sample of a current event to iwant2write@me.com. There will be further information on the job if your material is selected. Snarky is a plus!

Right, In Touch magazine is struggling to pay their rent, But YOU, a snarky armchair Hollywood gossip monger in Queens, you are going to make the big bucks. You'd probably have better luck selling goji-juice door to door.

Speaking of Goji-juice, there are other sordid internet schemes you could get involved in. Take this guy, Sean Flynn. Self proclaimed Top Internet Marketing Coach. Look at this kid! Love the self portrait. And what a sharp dresser. I bet he makes A/B honor roll almost every time.

Anyway, after no doubt falling victim to the very scheme he is now trying to perpetrate on others, he is claiming to offer a "lucrative recession-proof business that can explode your bank account over night." Despite a complete absence of information on his completely useless and alienating web Site, I gather that he is trying to sell you an "Ebook," full of ultra-secret internet money getting "tips." Meaning, you are going to try and sell the same useless "Ebook" that you just bought, to people even stupider than you. Good Luck!

So against all these odds, what's a body to do? Well, there has been a lot of talk recently about recession proof jobs. Like, be a teacher or a police officer, stuff like that. That's all good and well for some people, but for the power-players among us, I'll tell you.

(1)Make Babies. The most capable among us have turned to farming out their bodies for baby production. This shocking practice encourages "experienced carriers" to pump out little bratts for sale to the rich and childless. Though, as deplorable as the practice may seem, at least these surrogate mothers are producing a (potentially) useful and unique product. Once the kid reaches working age, he's like a little pot of gold.

(2) Make whiskey or grow weed(the new making whiskey). Sell it locally. OR if you don't know many people locally, you could always steal stuff from peoples homes and sell it on Ebay. Police departments are under funded now too, maybe.

Rob vs. The United States Postal Service (Test Center)

What can I say? Times are hard, joblessness is roaring through the nation, IHOP is suffering massive cutbacks, yet the government is still finding new ways to take advantage of us all.

Now I have never been a level-headed or rational person. In times of desperation I'm often at a loss, which is probably why I signed up to take the test to become a United States postal worker. Now the test center is not to my knowledge affiliated with the post office; it's actually an agency comprised of incompetent, scripted automatons who couldn't find work anywhere else.

Last month I called in to sign up for the postal worker test, and at the end of the session after I had given all of my information I was asked how I was going to pay the test preparation packet fee, which totaled over $100. I didn't know what to say, I felt abused, confused and blind-sighted. So I paid it.

I received the packet about six days later, after a failed attempt to contact the testing service center for cancellation. In fact, during the next few weeks, I tried to call about five times to cancel, each time getting no answer from the helpline. I was stuck. I didn't actually think I had it in me to work for the post office (after one week of employment, the test registration fee is refunded), and I wasn't getting any assistance from the "help center." Even more irritated, I finally connected with the sons-a-bitches today. After speaking to an agent, who was brash and unhelpful, I asked to speak with the supervisor, who repeated the same script which I had just heard.

"No cancellations, that's our policy." I was not informed of this when I registered, so I tried to make a legal point that they had to take back my packet and give me a refund because it was never made clear to me that that was not an option. They weren't having it. I was outraged and shaking in my chair. Who the hell were these people to deny an American their right to return an item? I argued and bickered for over ten minutes with the supervisor at this obscure USPS testing office, which I imagine is attached to a Chick-fil-a somewhere in the Cincinnati metropolitan area.

Finally, this man was so fed up with me and my OUTRAGEOUS request to return the god damn package (unopened, mind you) that he cut me off. He proceeded with the script, "Alright sir, is there anything else I can assist you with today?" This came off as the most smug thing that anyone has ever said to me. Not only had he refused to help me with my small request, he knew damn well that he wasn't going to be giving me any (additional) assistance. So I replied, "YEA, YOU CAN SHOVE A POLE UP YOUR ASS AND GO FUCK YOUR MOTHER!", and with that the call had ended. I hung up the phone, on the verge of tears, and thought of how I could remedy the situation and make ammends for the $100 that I had never needed more.

After bashing the test packet against my bedpost, I took it in my hands, walked calmly to the garage, doused the packet in gasoline and set the fucking curse on fire. As I watched the flames my nerves calmed and I knew that I would be able to live once again.