Reaching for the stars OR How I baked my first Hardee's Style Biscuit. Bitch

I've tried to bake biscuits a few time, but never with good results. I've used various recipes from well respected culinary gurus, but the end product never lives up to my standards for a really good biscuit. It has always been a dream of mine to make a biscuit that meets the standard set by Hardee's, an industry leader in biscuit manufacture.

For those of you who don't know, not only do Hardee's biscuits represent the best we could hope for in a fast food biscuit, but they are probably the best biscuit makers ever. There are some biscuit only franchises in places like West Virginia, and these may even rival the quality that is consistently offered by Hardee's, but I maintain that no one offers such a good product on a large scale.

The secret to Hardee's biscuits is always said to be in the Biscuit Makers that they hire. Biscuit Makers are the old ladies that dress in all white and wear a white plastic apron. They come to all Hardee's restaurants way early in the morning, just to practice their sacred craft. Observe the following video...



I have a more cynical view about what makes a Hardee's biscuit great, my guess being that it has something to do with the ultra-secret recipe they use. Without access to which, we may never really know what the perfect ratio of shortening to salt is.

But there are recipes abound on the internet for "Hardee's Style Biscuits." Mostly, from untrustworthy recipe web Sites, that are stuffed with notoriously unreliable user generated content. More disturbing and confusing, is that there are always multiple, conflicting recipes for the same style biscuit on the same web Site. What a mess!

So, finally, I overcame the discouraging recipe web Sites, waded through the filth, and came up with, what I guessed was the most reasonable one to start with.

The recipe I chose claimed to offer Hardee's style biscuits. It didn't include any questionable ingredients, like yeast (in a quick-bread?!), and it was simple and easy to believe. So I rushed to the store and gathered the necessary ingredients. I also enlisted the help of a friend to insure I didn't get bored and quit before I finished.

INGREDIENTS::
4 cups "self-rising flour"

NOTE: I had never heard of this magical "self-rising" flour, so I did a little research. It's just regular flour with, go figure, baking powder, and a healthy shot of salt. But, not wanting to foul things up already, I purchased the best "self-rising" flour available in my state.

1 tbsp. baking powder
1 tbsp. sugar
2/3 cups Crisco
2 cups buttermilk

NOTE: You may have noticed that there is a tall boy of Coors in the above photo. While not absolutely necessary, it has certainly been said that happiness on the part of the cook is crucial to ultimate success. I couldn't think of anything that would make anyone happier than a tall boy of Coors, and I definitely attribute the modest success achieved to it's presence.

Whip the Crisco.

Mix in the dry ingredients

Mix in the buttermilk.

At this point you should have a glob of Dough. Taste it, it's salty and good. If it is unmanageably sticky, add a little more flour.

Sprinkle some flour on a counter top, and plop your hunk-o-biscuit on it.

Roll it out to a thickness of about an Inch.

Use a biscuit cutter (or just an empty glass) to cut out your biscuits, and put them on a greased pan.

Brush the top's of the biscuits Lightly with buttermilk. (avoid getting any on the pan because it will burn and smell bad)

When you've cut all the biscuits you can from your initial blob, ball it up, roll it out again, repeat.

BAKE them for as long as takes them to become goldeny brown on top (around 10-15 minutes) @ a temperature of 400 degrees.

For the most authentic Hardee's replica, it may be advisable to brush the tops of the biscuits with melted butter (salted) in the final hour (minute) of baking. We didn't do this, but wish we had.



While our end-product was by no means a passable forgery, it was a decent representation of the good that can be contained in the humble Hardee's biscuit. It was certainly the best biscuit I have made to date.

The most obvious difference between this and a Hardee's was in the texture of the outside, hence the butter suggestion. The inside was a near perfect replica.

I assure you that I will continue my quest for a perfect reproduction, even if it means eventually taking a job at Hardee's.

*Eggnog Appendix

The eggnog recipe two posts below is a sure-fire way to get outstanding nog. Here in Des Moines, it's customary for me to tweek classic eggnog to fit my tastes, so I'm going to offer some provisos:
a) use the half-and-half, or at the very least only use whole milk
b) eggnog should never be made with rum, always use whiskey
c) I like to throw in about 1/4 cup of both creme de menthe and creme de cocao; not only will it make your eggnog taste like an after-dinner mint, the extra liqueurs will reduce the risk of any food-borne illness brought on from consuming raw eggs.

Merry Christmas Folks!

Country-living and Holiday Cheer

Many of you city-dweller might be curious how us country-folk get geared up for the holidays. I'll tell you, it isn't easy. With the nearest mall-santa over 40 miles away, we tend to rely heavily on the 'nog. Yes, that holiest of communions between the raw eggs and whiskey is our primary Christmas time fuel.

Making it from scratch is recommended, especially by highly regarded culinary types like Mark Bittman. I tend to do whatever Mark Bittman tells me, so here goes with his recipe for the egg-nog.

Note: Bittman calls for Rum and I call him a pansy. Use Whiskey.

3 eggs, separated
2 tablespoons sugar, or to taste
1/2 teaspoon vanilla extract
3 cups milk or half-and-half
1/2 cup rum (optional), or more if desired
Freshly grated nutmeg to taste

1. Beat the egg yolks with the sugar until well blended. Stir in the vanilla, the milk or half-and-half, and rum if desired.

2. Beat the egg whites and fold them in thoroughly. (You need not be too gentle; they should lighten the drink but not be discernible.) Top with grated nutmeg and serve.

Perhaps Rob will shed some light on how they do it in Des Moines. Out of respect for the subject I'm forgoing the obligatory photo of a woman on/with a bike.

rob's recipe extravaganza

I like to keep my goons simple.

1 8 oz package of cream cheese

1 4 oz can of crab meat (I prefer real as opposed to imitation)

1/3 cup of green onions

1 clove of garlic (minced)

dash of soy sauce

pinch of sugar

square wonton wraps

Just mix the ingredients together in a bowl and place one spoonful into each wonton. Lightly wet the edges and fold in half to form triangles. Fry in vegetable oil until the wonton browns on one side and then flip them. It only takes a couple of minutes on each side.

*If the oil is too hot the contents will spill out of the wontons and explode!!!